Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Congress has repealed the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy which will allow for openly gay men and women to serve in the military. This is another two-edged sword issue that will have positive and negative effects on people serving and those desiring to serve.


I’ve read that this will impact the female population of the military more than the males. That would fit the stereotype for women who want to prove their masculinity and/or their capacity to do tasks as well as, or better than, their male counterparts. It also fits the stereotype for effeminate males who might be too reserved to take on the challenge of completing boot camp requirements necessary to serve in any military branch.

One of the positive impacts for the military that hasn’t been mentioned (that I’m aware of), is closing the loop-hole used by personnel who claimed “homosexuality” as a means to get out of the military, or certain duty assignments. When I served in the Navy almost 30 years ago, this alternative was openly discussed among us enlisted personnel, and was used successfully by a few guys that I’m aware of. I wonder if there is any way to check statistics on how many males who received a general discharge from the service because they claimed to be gay, later went on to marry females?

With the change in policy voted on last night, the military might find that there are suddenly a lot less males who claim to be homosexual. And, I suspect, that the ones who truly are gay will continue to serve under the guise of being a masculine heterosexual. But what do I know?

The Party's Over

The birthday weekend has come and gone. It was nice to see everyone, especially my brother. Of course, our time together was way too short. I’m just glad that mom got to see Rob for a change, and to meet his girlfriend, Bryn. Her and I are on opposite ends of the political spectrum, but she seemed like a nice girl with a head on her shoulders.


For mom’s birthday dinner, my brother treated the gang, all nine of us, to a wonderful dinner at McCrady’s in Charleston. On my current salary, I would struggle to buy us all frozen dinners. Thankfully, we are blessed. Our funds are sufficient for the time being, and God will open a new door for me when the time is right.

We also spent some time at Isle of Palms, and had lunch at Coconut Joe’s. I was going to pick up the tab, but somehow my brother had taken care of it before I realized it. Very kind of him, and Carol and I did appreciate his generosity. I hope they come back again soon. There’s a lot of nice restaurants in the area that I can let him take us to (kidding).

The celebration also included some cheer at the house. No drinking and driving allowed. After everyone went home, I had a couple baskets of empties to take to recycling. I know that there is a poem, or country western song, in that image somewhere. “Darling you are gone, and all I have left are empty bottles to remind me why I can’t remember when you were here.” That’s why none of my songs have been recorded!

Now everyone is back home safe and sound. It’s just me and the dog again, lying around the house. In fact, it’s time for his evening walk.

Mom Turns 80!!!

My mother celebrates her 80th birthday today. She is still spry, and looks much younger than 80. She stays active and busy. This morning she told me that she had already been up and down the stairs a few times doing her laundry. She’ll be here to visit us next week, and if she sees anything in my house that needs attention, she will try and do it. If you blink, she might sneak off to the kitchen and wash dishes, or clean bathrooms, or iron clothes. She always wants to help...and to serve. She has a servant’s heart, and is blessed with the gifts of helping and hospitality. Over the course of my life, she opened her home to just about all of her eight siblings and spouses, to help them when they were down. She truly epitomizes the Mexican ideals of having a close-knit family. She is the oldest daughter of Fernando and Otilia Cruz. Having only one older brother, Joe, she has been the big sister to six other girls and one boy. She was probably a great help to my grandma, because she loves to cook and clean. We used to joke about the extremes of her housekeeping. She would vacuum the house every day, and the front room was definitely off limits, except when we might have company. I suppose I should be thankful that we never went to the extreme of having plastic runners throughout the house. Maybe that was just an Italian thing (only going by a couple of examples from my childhood). She also ironed everything. Nothing more comforting that having underwear with no wrinkles, or socks with creases to match your pants. She claims that she doesn’t iron socks, but I know she did.


She recently lost her younger sister, Fina, and that has been hard for her. Thanks to Bell (or Marconi), mom would talk to Fina every day. There is a big hole now, where that time was taken up daily with general chit chat and gossip. Our oldest daughter has a similar routine with my wife. I only talk to my mom once a week, usually on Sunday after church. I’m a guy, so there isn’t enough to talk about to make it a daily ritual. My mom’s older brother died a while back, and he probably talked to his mom weekly as well.

We are excited to see my mom next week. Our girls will be here, and even my brother is flying into town with his girlfriend. He is taking us all out to McCrady’s for a belated birthday dinner. The chef at McCrady’s just received the James Beard Foundation Award for “Best Chef in the Southeast.” I’m sure it will be yummy!

I’ve also been learning Bob Dylan’s “Forever Young” on my guitar, to play as a birthday song. That will be a little outside my comfort zone, but I’m sure she’ll appreciate it. All those years that her and dad paid for my lessons is finally paying off. Thanks for everything mom.

So, happy birthday and see you soon!

TV Addiction

Not doing very well in keeping up with my random notes. Somehow, there is always something else to do. This writing activity has not been elevated above those other activities such as “must find a job” or “must get house ready to sell” efforts. Sadly, it also falls below the “must sit on couch and watch TV” force that is part of my end of day routine. Hello, my name is Randy, and I’m a TV-holic. What else is there to do when the sun goes down? I used to use the excuse that it was my way of winding down after a hard day at the office. I’m not working right now, so I can’t say that anymore. No need for escapism through mindless entertainment. But now I am escaping the fact that I’m unemployed. TV does dull the brain so that those real life issues are temporarily forgotten. Sure sounds like a drug to me. “Take one TV show every hour, and call me in the morning.” Don’t forget to read the warning label: “CAUTION: May cause drowsiness. Do not take when operating machinery. Do not consume more than four shows a day. Prolonged consumption may be addicting. Some side effects include shortness of breath, blurred vision, memory loss and obesity.”


We’ve become programmed to watch programs. There is always something to watch. I remember having only three or four channels growing up. In those days, Hollywood was conservative and the bad guys always lost. Now, Hollywood tries to define reality in America, and exposes our children to way more than what their minds are ready to digest. Biologically, we drink milk until we are ready for solid foods. Physically, we learn to avoid what is dangerous or harmful, what is sharp or hot. Early on, we learn what “No” means from parents trying to protect us from ourselves. Mentally, we also grow at a steady pace. We learn what is familiar and safe. We learn to laugh at funny things, and to be cautious of the unknown. We learn to fear the bad things. Then we watch TV and slowly become desensitized to life. We learn to laugh at other people’s pain. We learn that it is fun to be scared, because it is “only a movie.” Special effects are not real. That’s not “real” blood. It’s cool to be grossed out. Too often, our children get exposed to this type of “entertainment” before their minds can properly interpret what should be retained or rejected.

How sad we are. TV has taken away our drive. Rather than challenge ourselves to improve, to learn, to experiment, to explore, we’ve succumbed to the seduction of cheap thrills on a TV screen. Like the apostle Paul, I am a chief sinner. If it’s Tuesday, it must be American Idol night.

I know that this doesn’t apply to everyone in America, but I suspect that the majority are like me, and even worse. In November, the Nielson ratings said that the average person in America watches almost 5 hours of TV a day. And I don’t think it’s my imagination that Sundays, when most professing Christians attend church, television programming offers the most violent and sexually geared shows to counter any good words offered from the pulpits. Why is it called “prime time”? We should be calling it “slime time.”

So what are you doing tonight? I “need” to see who gets voted off of Idol. Forgive me.